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Gratitude Friday: Believing in the Good Edition

GratitudeFriday It was one hell of a Thanksgiving weekend. When I went back to work on Monday, I thought about how I’d describe my weekend to coworkers when they asked about it (yes, I do plan out my conversations in advance, ha). My first thought was: “IT SUCKED,” which is obviously pretty darn negative. In some ways, my weekend DID suck. My mom ended up going to the ER on Friday morning; she had been sick with what seemed like a virus for a whole week and wasn’t getting better. She ended up in the ICU with a breathing tube, which was really scary. We still don’t know exactly what is going to happen or what is going on. The situation is scary and… it DOES suck. It sucks a lot. My mom has been in and out of the hospital for most of my life due to her many health concerns. Her stays have become way more frequent in the past few years, but it never gets easier to see her struggle – even though I have witnessed this for almost my entire life. My mom’s health seems to be deteriorating more and more every day. My thoughts lately have been of the “why me?” variety. I’ve compared my experience to the experiences of friends who have healthy parents (I don’t recommend doing this; it’s a waste of energy). I’ve taken out my anger on the people I love most (also not recommended). What is even worse is that I’ve started thinking more negatively about everything. A huge part of anxiety, which I struggle with a ton, is always expecting the worst. This is what I tend to do now to avoid being disappointed; I guess it’s only natural for me to have this defense mechanism when unexpected situations like this one have come up so often in my life. However, I am working on not thinking this way. My internship supervisor last year gave me The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, MD as a parting gift. On Monday, I was reading a section about spirituality. In it, Dr. Peck discusses a case about a man who has lost faith in everything after his friend passes away. At the end, the man realizes that there are two sides to the coin. Life is really hard, but it can be amazing, too. It is unavoidable that we will experience loss, grief, sadness, anger, pain, etc. That doesn’t mean good things – miracles even – do not also happen. When you ask me how my Thanksgiving weekend was, I can say that, yes, my mom was hospitalized, but I also had fun. I’m allowed to enjoy my life. It’s OK! I enjoyed running a Turkey Trot with my best friend, I saw my family in Indiana for the first time since last Christmas, I spent a fantastic 2 days with Andy’s family, I got to see Tim and Sara again, and I spent a great afternoon/evening with Oksana. Let’s face it, life is full of CRAP sometimes. It really is. It sucks. CRY ABOUT IT; I promise that it will feel good. But, remember, there are so many good things, too. We need to pay attention to the good and maybe even believe in miracles. I am quite the skeptic most of the time (not sure if that’s how I come off, but I really am), but some seriously amazing/life-changing things have occurred over the years for me. I consider those things to have been little miracles 🙂 I don’t want to miss out on the good just because there is a lot of bad happening now. Life is too short. Speaking of miracles, my mom is out of the ICU and doing very well! I wrote most of this post on Monday, when we did not know what was going to happen. So, as mentioned in the above paragraph, miracles really do happen. Never stop believing that something good is always around the corner <3 IMG_2965 Are you an optimist or a pessimist? – I’m a pessimist, but working on thinking more positively!